That's not oven the half of it

Hello, dearies!

Geraldine Hairpiece here. You may have already correctly assumed that I'm a big fan of living in the age of convenience, but even I know that you can push that a little too far. Apparently some excuse for a human being has been stealing appliances from under-construction new homes in and around San Antonio, TX. I applaud the ingenuity, really, but you really ought you just buy your own microwaves. Of course, Joshua Michaud, the 32-year-old suspect, was eventually caught thanks to yet another device created to make the day to day routine easier. Homebuilder Pulte Homes placed a GPS tracker inside one of their ovens left in an house currently under construction, and sure enough, the oven was stolen. The tracking device lead the police directly to the imbecile's truck and further on to his collection of $2,000 worth of stolen appliances.

Let this be a lesson to us all that while it's fine to want you're life to be a little easier, you can't expect others to provide you with everything.

Cheers,
Geraldine Hairpiece

Hey Everybody - it's episode 3!

It's episode 3! Yes it is. Right here....

M13N S2 E3.mp3

Ho,ho,ho

It's official! Santa doesn't want cookie and milk but the "Swine Flu" (N1H1 virus) vaccine. His syndicate is worried coz obesity could be a risk factor. Of course there is only one Santa but it has been established that among the other American Santa 2/3 are overweight and 1/3 is very, very, very obese! Come on Santas, keep up with the aerobics! The syndicate of the Santa is asking to be put all the Santason the priority list for the vaccine: of course, we doesn't want any kids to get sick! So Santas, I sincerely hope you get your shots and please don't forget my check this Christmas. And talking about christmas, get ready for Meridian 13 News' Christmas Episode!

Jacques Cuillère.

bwahahaha!

Hello Dearies,

Hope none of you are in Texas and want to get married. BECAUSE YOU CAN'T! In 2005 when an constitutional amendment was added in Texas to ban same-sex marriages and domestic partnerships, a clause is subsection B stated, "This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage." That's right. NO MARRIAGES.

Excellent job, biggots.

Drink up!
Geraldine Hairpiece

Bad Dream Ends In Horror

This is one of the most tragic news stories I have read in a long time. Brian Thomas, a father of two, who suffers from a chronic sleep disorder is on trial for killing his wife while on holiday in Wales.

Mr Thomas dreamt that an intruder had broken into the couple's campervan. He tried to tackle the intruder, but instead strangled his childhood sweetheart and wife of 4o years.

His distressing 999 emergency call after he had strangled her was played in court. In it he said: "What have I done? I've been trying to wake her. I think I've killed my wife. Oh my God. I thought someone had broken in."

The prosecution is asking the jury for a not guilty verdict, on the basis that Mr Thomas' sleep disorder means his behaviour was consistent with the legal definition of automatism. At the time of the killing he was asleep, and his mind had no control over what his body was doing.

Our thoughts go out to Mr Thomas and his family.

Shit happens!

A plant converting cow's manure (Cow's pooh or "caca de vache" as we say in France) opened a week ago in Netherlands. It will be used as fuel to power thermal plant's gas turbine and will provide heat for 1100 homes. The recipe: you just have to mix cow's shits with grass and food industry residues and you get the best fuel ever, and it smells wonderful.

I couldn't resist, here is a nice picture for you:

Netherlands doesn't have to only be famous anymore for the gouda and Amsterdam's pot and hoes! Guess what, shit really happens!

Votre Ami, Jacques Cuillère.

It's all in my book

Well hi there Miss Geraldine,

Doncha know, my life was goin' just super-duper until these silly old anonymous "McCain officials" came forward and said I was pullin' a Pinocchio in my new book ("Going Rogue" and hittin' shelves in bookstores nationwide this comin' Tuesday! You betcha!). All I said was that I was billed $50,000 for, you know, various, um, things by the McCain campaign before they named me as the Vice President! I'm sorry... Vice presidential nominee. Now some no name little noodle noggin punk is trying to mess up everything by declaring that what I claim is "one hundred percent untrue." Well, here's a newsflash for you, Joe Jackass, it's true that SOMEBODY billed me $50,000 and that's a big hunka change, doncha know!? Right. Anyway, I hear you give advice, so I figured I'd write you a letter. Whaddaya think I should do about this no name official, huh? I got a loaded shotgun on the back of my ATV.

Smiles and Polar Bears,
Sarah Palin

Dear Mrs. Palin,

Loaded shotgun, eh? I get the impression that you're really a woman of substance who wants nothing more than to improve this world we're in for future generations. The answer seems all too obvious to me...

cheers,
Geraldine Hairpiece