Pills n Chills

I say!  Back in my school days if we felt a little funky we'd go for a run, but according to a new article in a popular free morning paper published in a busy metropolis, people are turning to medication far too easily as a solution to their mental woes. 

Yes, it seems the human race is after quick fixes for depression, relying on prescription medication readily handed out by doctors. Some leading experts claim that alternative forms of treatment would be a more effective way of dealing with the problem.  Let's see, has anybody tried getting off their backsides and actually doing something to alleviate their sorrows?

We live in an age where everything needs to happen yesterday, but if we continue to apply that principle when it comes to our own wellbeing, where on earth will we end up?

Anyway, must dash.  The district nurse is here to administer her own special treatment....

Toodlepip!

Nelson Ramsbottom

Tired of the Whining

A CNN survey was released that said 72% of Americans are "Mad as hell and are not gonna take it anymore", quoting Howard Beal from the film, "Network". The study says that most Americans are pretty pissed about the way the country is being run and how the economy is bad and blah blah blah blah blah BLAH. People from a country that never has a homefront war, never has an epidemic, never has a serious famine...yes, things are rough because the economy blah blah blah. But do the American people have to bitch all the time? These people do not shut up about their problems. Just keep working. Things will get better. And these surveys are such a waste of time, too. The survey also says that Americans plan to do something about their anger. Yeah. "Do something". That sounds like a very well thought out plan. Stupid survey. I'm very upset about this.
-Texas Pete

Saving Ressources

In order to save energy, Governor Arnold Schwarzengger is monitoring how long his children stay under the shower. If they take more than 5 minutes, he just turns off the hot water, and the lovely childrens' shower is quickly resumed. Wasters of energy are going to be quickly terminated. I wonder though: when daddy Schwarzzy is not home, are the children taking 30 minutes Spa shower as a revenge?

Votre ami, Jacques Cuillère...

Middle East in Midtown

Hey guys!

Tiffany Feelings here with a weather report for Manhattan (that's NYC, k?) Looks like it's raining assholes.

SO.... not only is my EX (I don't wanna talk about it) boyfriend now living in sin with some slut (I said I don't wanna talk about it) in Hell's Kitchen, but on top of that, some douchebags from Libya and Iran visited the UN this week. Col Moammar Gadhafi of Libya (douchebag who was all, "Hey, Lockerbie bomber, here's a heroes welcome home!") and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (so-called President of Iran who was all "Holocaust? WTF? That's not real.") went to New York to talk about how great they both are for like an hour and a half straight. Gah, well, this island girl is very happy to not be living in New York in that amazing studio that she and her EX (Goddamn it! I DO NOT want to talk about it!) boyfriend picked out on craigslist and saved up to make the deposit on. FUCK.

So yeah. Rain. Rain rain rain. And cold. COLD-HEARTED!!!!!!

Snail's Pace

Good evening, and welcome back to season 2 of Meridian 13 News! I say, these world leaders are doing a rather shoddy job of slowing down climate change. At the UN Climate summit they've had a jolly good telling off by unsually upfront UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, warning that glaciers are melting faster than human progress to protect them, and they really do need to get their collective skates on.

It's quite ironic that the speed at which they are moving on this issue is equivalent to that of a glacier in happier, more frosty times.

Until next week this is Nelson Ramsbottom wishing you a tick-tocking week.

Good night!

Now's the time to catch up

We've had our first meeting for season two, and we're making some magic for you all!!

Get ready for new characters, new episodes, website updates, new website features, and our upcoming album!!

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We're also open to suggestions!! Comment away.

cheers,

Geraldine Hairpiece

Back to your regularly scheduled programming

Hello, my pets! Geraline Hairpiece here.

You've probably noticed that we've taken a bit of a hiatus for the month. Even news mavens such as we here at Meridian 13 News need a summer vacation!

Anyway, I thought I'd catch you up on all the important news you've missed.

• Abdelbeset Ali Mohmed al Megrahi, the infamous Lockerbie bomber who bombed Pan Am flight 103 in 1988, causing the deaths of 270 people, was released from prison and returned home to his native Libya. He was released on "compassionate" grounds so that he can live out the end of his bout with terminal prostate cancer at home. It is estimated he has less than three months to live. Long story short, some people are quite pissed.
• Americans act retarded in general at a series of Town Hall meetings where they are supposed to be intelligently discussing the pros and cons of a universal healthcare policy the Obama administration wishes to adopt.
• Michael Vick, animal lover extrordinaire, is now playing American football with the Eagles. I think they're a band.
• A fifth-rate reality television contestant murdered a model and then was found dead in Canada. No one really cares.
• A woman in Malaysia is to be caned for drinking beer in public. Geraldine Hairpiece cancels Malaysian vacation plans.

We'll offer up more of our takes on global news. It's good to be back in the saddle. I also hope you're all getting excited for our September podcast which we haven't started writing!

Cheers!

Geraldine Hairpiece