Hey Everybody! It's Season 2 Episode 2

Packed with Novembery goodness, with a Swine Flu update from Tiffany Feelings, Fat Staxx, Nelson Ramsbottom's world view, Jacques reporting from Sweden, a new correspondent AND Cynthia's own editorial! Phew....

M13N S2E2.mp3

R u up 4 2gether time?

Hello, dearies.

Geraldine Hairpiece here with a bit of advice on how to have a social life. First of all, have a social life. Know people in person. Step away from the keyboard, the cell phone, the Blackberry. Look at a person, not an avatar or what have you, in the face and say something using real words and sentences. It's the first step.

It's been argued that Americans are more isolated and less social than they used to be. It's been suggested that technologies such as cell phones and the internet. A recent study suggests that people who frequently use cellular phones and social networking websites do not prevent people from getting out and meeting new people or spending time in social settings such as cafes or parks. However, due to the distance spanning abilities of these social networking websites and the mobility provided by cellular phones, people's social circles are now just more spread out. Your friends are people who live across the city or the state or the country or the world from you, not just your neighbors. In fact, people who use social networking sites such as Facebook are thought to be 30% less likely to know their neighbors.

I suppose there's nothing wrong with not knowing your neighbors, but I'll be fucked if those "friends" over the internet will be there to pour you some scotch when you run out. Know your neighbors, dearies! They're the owners of the liquor cabinets closest to you!

cheers,
Geraldine Hairpiece

Oscar Night Hot Flashes

Good Afternoon everybody! Madame Enzo here. And I'm just going to come right out and say it. I need a cold shower. A really, long cold shower. And you want to know why? Only the two sexiest men to ever exist in showbiz are going to be hosting the 82nd Academy Awards TOGETHER in March 2010.

Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.

Now I don't know what gets you kids off today, but there's nothing like the team up of a banjo playing silver haired stud and a once svelte velvet voiced gentleman with a messed up family. If it were up to me, I'd let Mr. Martin strum my strings any day and Mr. Baldwin could sweep me away into his 30 Rock dressing room for as long as he would like.

All funny business and sexual fantasies aside, the two really do make an excellent comedic match up and the telecast's producers, Adam Shankman and Bill Mechanic, are quoted as saying they think they are "perfect." And I agree.

Though I do worry about my blood pressure acting up as I watch the two men regale us with songs and stories of the years nominees and categories. Watching the Oscars this year then, can only mean three things: Lighting candles, heavy breathing, and getting tested.

16 cockroaches into your mouth

A pet store employee put 16 cockroaches in his month (all were at least 2 and an 1/2 inches) to try to be in the new Guiness World Record. The previous record was set to 11. The pet employee doesn't want to stop there; next year he said, he'll try for 20. After creating so many random record, it seems the Guiness World Record should rather create the record of stupidity. Do you think, the records holders are getting some $? No, nothing, just their name on a book, (♫) FAME...FAME...I WANNA LIVE FOREVER...BABY, REMEMBER MY NAME (♫).

Among the stupidest record from The Guiness book of R. : The record for most rotations while hanging from a power drill, the record for the heaviest vehicle pulled by hair (Ouch) and the record for the longest play session of Grand Theft Auto IV...

Oh,la,la!

Votre Ami, Jacques Cuillère.

Tolerance of Arabia

I say! Those Saudis have really stepped over the mark this time.... Perhaps not known for being the most tolerant of countries at the best of times, the authorities have now added to their global popularity by ordering a 22 year old woman to receive 60 lashes, after being charged with involvement in a television show in which a Saudi man talks about.... gasp, sex!

Now I know we Brits are viewed as the prudes of the world (why only the other day Jimmy accused me of hiding his copy of Playboy. We all know it was Geraldine who took it), but this over-reaction makes us Poms look like floozies.

The poor woman was only involved in preparing the program, and hadn't had any involvement with the episode in question. The man who talked about his active sex life was also charged, and ordered to receive 1,000 lashes.

Two points I wish to make:

1) Saudi Arabia - let it go. We all know your princes come over to London and have it away with high end prostitutes, so don't pretend you're above coitus.
2) Several of my friends would quite enjoy the punishment of being whipped. Whoever thought that would 'teach people a lesson' should take a trip to a dominatrix. Why, only the other day I had my......

Ahem.

Good night.

Fear of Flying!!!!!!

Just kidding. Would that not have been great tho? If I just did the same thing as the previous two? Pfhahaha. Nelson would have been pissed. Anyway, just wanted to give a shout out to Andrew Lloyd Wizzle. Prostate cancer is no fun. I know I'm a young man, but I've...let's not go into how I know. Andrew, I hope you get that taken care of and get back to work. Good thing it's in the early stages. Sounds like you're gonna be fine. Maybe it'll inspire a new show? Oh, man. I'll buy that ticket. "Prostate of Emergency" ? Anybody? Get well soon.
-Jimmy

More News about the distracted pilots on Northwest overflew their destination by 150 Miles!

As Geraldine wrote in her last blog: Two Northwest pilots neglected to make radio contact with the ground and overflew their destination by 150 miles. They discovered their mistake, turned around and landed safely. They were carrying 144 passengers. The pilots claim to have been distracted during a heated conversation about airline regulations. The National Transportation Safety Board does know if they might have been sleeping and is actually retrieving the recording conversation of the cockpit. It might be something like this:

"Hey Jack...Jack, wake up...wake up,sleepy bear!"

"Joe, let me sleep more, come on, after all that booze we drank"

"Come on, get a bloody may and let's call the stewardess again for a pre-landing goodie."

"Ok, if you are going to make it that diffi/

"Shit, Fuck, Fuck The fucking fuck!"

"What?"

"We overslept, we overflew, we're OVERFUCKED!"

Well, well...Also, last Monday, a Boeing 767 with 182 passengers landed on a taxiway instead of its runway at Atlanta's Hartsfield airport. At this rate, terrorists won't have to highjack planes anymore.

Oh,la,la!!!

Votre ami, Jacques Cuillère.