Men on Mars

Now I know I don't normally write the sciencey things, but recently Buzz Aldrin, an ex-boyfriend of mine, stated that he believes the time has come for NASA to plan to homestead Mars. This may sound like sci-fi mumbo-jumbo, but I think Mr. Aldrin is completely right! It's been close to 40 years since man walked on the moon, and there's a whole lot of space out there just waiting to be explored. It takes two years for a space craft from the Earth just to reach Mars, so if we're gonna hurry up and destroy our own planet, we need to get started on figuring out how to survive on our most habitable neighbor. Buzz might have a very silly name, but he was an astronaut for crying out loud, and he may very well be on to something. Sure, he never could remember my birthday or what salad dressing I ordered on dates, but he was great in the sack, and that's got to account for something!! Mars, lads and ladies, is the next logical step in space exploration. Also, after getting to claim you've been boned by a man who walked on the moon, you run out of bragging material. So I'm thinking get some hot, young thing with a tight little bum and maybe some of those pretty front of the hip muscles (what are those called? Ab-donis muscles?) out onto Mars and fly him home to my bedroom. I'll cook him a nice meal filled with protein and Rohypnol. Sounds like a good plan to me.

Blast off!

Geraldine Hairpiece

It's catch-up Sunday!

Hey Everybody! Here's a chance for anyone who missed it to catch up on episode 2.. Enjoy....

M13N EPISODE 2 [6_03_09].mp3

It's Catch Up Thursday!

Hey Everybody! It's been a while since we posted previous episodes, so to give a chance for any new visitors to check out old news (!) here's Episode 1 (February) again. We'll be re-posting all 5 episodes over the next week, so you can indulge yourselves....

Meridian 13 News Episode 1.mp3

Lady in Glitter

Good Afternoon, this is Cynthia Meridian finally ready to come clean on the guiltiest pleasure of my summer. No, it's not the 13 dollar smoothie I indulged in the other day packed full with expensive wheat grass and omega-3 berries. No, it's not the ripple chested, tan pool boy I shamelessly stare at when my pool is being cleaned. And no, it is not the diamond encrusted flip flops I just had to buy the other day when I was out because I thought they would look good with this outfit I have to wear to a benefit on Friday.

No, ladies and gentlemen. It is none of those things.

Cynthia Meridian's guiltiest pleasure of all guilty pleasures this summer is:

Lady Gaga.

You have probably heard her songs on the radio, such as:

"Just Dance" singing lyrics like "Go! Use your muscle, carve it out, work it hustle/I got it, just stay close enough to get it" "Just dance, gonna be okay, da-da-doo-doo mmmm"

"Poker Face" singing lyrics like "I won't tell you that I love you/Kiss or hug you/Cause I'm bluffin with my muffin."

And

"Disco Stick" singing lyrics like "Let's have some fun, this beat is sick/I want to take a ride on your disco stick."

Hence the guilty pleasure......But this girl is smart. A new kind of pop star smart. As reported on www.slate.com, this girl has taken tween idol stardom and turned it into her own brand of show stopping. She makes no promises of her virginity, she would rather scare boys than whip them into a sexual frenzy, and she's kinda snobby with her pop references and idols. She is a woman of now. Proud and incharge. Hopefully weaving her way out of the pop idol breakdown like her former idol Ms. Britney Spears.

Also, her makeup is fierce.

Cold Case Heats Up

Get this. It's 1957. A woman on Long Island goes takes her two tiny kids into town with her while she runs some errands. She leaves the stroller outside of a bakery while she goes in to get some bread, if you know what I mean. Woman comes back. Her two year old son is gone. They never find the kid, but now, 2009, some man in Michigan (I hope he doesn't do that point to the hand thing) is saying he's the missing two year old. Holy shit. Now I know a lot of people are probably thinking this guy is full of it. I mean, how would he know that he was the kidnapped kid? How would he remember something from that long ago? But I have a very distinct memory from when I was four months old. It's one of the clearest memories I have, and I will never ever forget taking that bath with my cousin Melinda. Oh, Melinda. Anyway, my favorite part of this whole story? The detective in charge of all the investigations on the Long Island end of things is named Kevin Smith!

Jimmy out!

It's a lovely day for a crossword puzzle

Dear Geraldine,

I'm an outraged young supporter of Iranian presidential candidate Mir Hossein Moussavi, and if you read the news, you probably know that he recently lost the election to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a landslide that seems rather unbelievable to those of us who support Moussavi. Riots and violence have broken out on the streets here in Tehran. Moussavi offers a fresh political view of the world for Iran and hopes to improve our country's relations with the West. However, Ahmadinejad and his government are trying to silence the voices of Iranians who are hoping to move forward in the world. We Moussavi supporters are trying to be heard. We've been protesting in the streets, but Ahmadinejad's plain clothes malita and riot police show no regard for any sort of peaceful protesting and are beating men and women in the streets with metal rods, bricks, and chains. How can the Moussavi supporters make their voices heard? How can we show our disgust at Ahmadinejad's blatant misuse of power? How can we stop this fraud and manipulation? How can Iran move out of this horrid dictatorship?

Worried,
Atefeh

Dear Atefeh,

Bricks and chains? I suggest you hole up in your flat with a nice bottle of gin and a really tough crossword puzzle. This one's bigger than both of us.

Drunk,
Geraldine Hairpiece

Ruff Justice

Good afternoon, Nelson Ramsbottom here again, with some rather cutesy news from our American cousins. Now we all know how guilty a dog can look when it's done something naughty; for example when my red setter's finished the Sudoku puzzle in pen, he'll look at me with a face that can only say one thing. What that thing is I'm not sure, but, anyway.... Turns out this 'guilty look' we see in dogs faces is actually poppycock! Research at a New York college tricked dog owners into thinking their prized pooch had misbehaved, whereupon they immediately recognised a guilty look on the dog's face. The hounds most likely to look guilty were the ones who had been told off by their owners after discovering they had stolen biscuits. Alexander Horowitz, assistant professor at Barnard College, suggested that the 'guilty look' is in fact a doggy response to human behaviour, and not an awareness of having done anything wrong.

The question is, what the bloody hell is this college doing researching such a useless topic? Cure for cancer anyone? Solution to global warming? Well done Barnard College! Surely your research is one in the eye for terrorism?