What weight 5 pounds and three onces and is 18 inches long?

Dirty minds! It's a baby...but there is a catch. Not the right parents! A fertility clinic in Ohio implanted Carolyn Savage with an embryo, then, 10 days later they call her to announce she was pregnant but with the wrong embryo. Oh la la! Was the doctor drunk? Did a nurse misread the label. However, the story has a partial happy ending as Mrs. Savage decided to give the baby boy back to their naturals parents who called her a "Guardian Angel." Must be hard for the family Savage but Bravo Carolyn.

Jacques Cuillère

Meridian 13 News

Hey Everybody - It's Season 2!!!!

We're back!! And so are you!! This month we hear from Madame Enzo (so chirpy), Travelling Jimmy (so quirky) and Ricky 'The Cougar - Rrraarrrr' Crenshaw (so dirty.) Don't forget if you want to subscribe to the podcast in iTunes, go to our website www.meridian13news.com and go to the podcast page. Have fun kids!

M13N S2 Episode 1.mp3

Tell Me Everything!

America's President Obama announced today that he "will end 'don't ask-don't tell.'" So first of all, we should all raise a glass to the President for the step towards creating a more tolerate America. Pretty simple, no?

And of course, this change in policy raises some questions. First of all, how many current soldiers will come out? Secondly, will this encourage more homosexual men and women to join the United States armed forces? And third, what are the new uniforms going to look like??? I mean, the Army already has a show choir now while don't ask-don't tell is still in effect, so I'm hoping they go all out in the fashion department.

I'm thinking something like the little number to the left. Would love to hear what the readers think about this.

Nutterman Loses The Plot

I say! It's one thing to have an affair, but quite another to try and use another man's, um, 'indiscretions' to extort money from him, no matter what his public status.

Now, while all my sympathy goes out to Regina, wronged spouse of David Letterman, who is undoubtedly hurt by his extra-curricular activities, just what the bloody hell does Mr Halderman (accused of an extortion attempt on Mr Letterman, after he found out about a string of affairs, including [allegedly] one with Mr Halderman's girlfriend) think he's doing? And what was I thinking trying to string such a convoluted sentence together with no attention to grammar?

Really Mr Halderman? If you weren't man enough to satisfy your girlfriend in the sack, and some old fellow off the television did the job for you, I certainly wouldn't be going all around the media shouting about it. Where's your self-respect?

You, sir, are what we call a penis. Now go and learn how to use yours to better advantage.

Goodnight!

Hands

So it turns out that washing your hands is a very important and helpful technique in preventing the contraction of the SWINE FLU! Oh really? I had no idea. Washing your hands is a good thing? Wow. Because I have been living in a hole seventy-five feet under the ground for the last 200 years and I haven't heard about basic sanitation. Is this really a news piece? Is this REALLY a good masking of news media scare tactics? Turns out you need to wash your hands or else you will die. OH NO!!!! WHAT ELSE DO WE NEED TO KNOW??? I'LL STAY TUNED IN!!!

Jesus Christ.
-Jimmy

Money, money, money...

Tragic news in the richest world: Warren Buffett, the second richest American citizen lost $10 billion as the shares of his business fell. $10 billion? I think I would need to work 6000 years to get close to this amount....mind you, it must be a lot of pressure to lose as much. Don't worry, he is still ok: he now only worth $40 billion. You might still have to cut your morning Starbucks' grande latte and the pop corn during movie night, Mr. Buffet... Malheureusement, most of the American billionaires are suffering as much from the recession and even worst (sorry, nothing personal!) their loss is also affecting directly affecting the life of less "fortunate" citizens. Meridian 13 News is also suffering from this crisis, so Mr. Buffet, if you have any spare change from this $40 billion left, we accept donations.

Votre ami, truly, Jacques Cuillère,

From Meridian 13 News

Kate minus Jon +8

Good Evening, Cynthia Meridian here with an update on everyone's favorite train wreck of a celebrity marriage: Jon and Kate Gosselin.

TLC (The Learning Channel...by which they mean, learning how to be a vicious Bride-Zilla (Say 'Yes' to the Dress), learning how to love a charming Italian baker from Hoboken (Cake Boss), and learning how to dress like you aren't homeless (What Not to Wear) ) has announced that the formerly titled "Jon and Kate Plus 8" will be called "Kate plus 8" as of November 2nd. The change is meant to signal Jon's lessening appearance on the show.

Apparently, Jon Gosselin is too busy parading around with his girlfriend in the Hamptons and staying up late partying in Manhattan to come home to Boonies, PA to spend time with his 8 adorable children? And he thinks he can make as much money being the butt of tabloid jokes as he could putzing around his ENORMOUS Central Pennsylvania home? Yeah, right, buddy.

The title of The New York Times article announcing this change went as follows:

"TLC Retools Reality Show, Putting New Focus on 'Kate Plus 8".

Yes, Jon. You are a tool.