Not only in Amsterdam...

Good Evening my dear Meridianites!

Dr. Jogia here with a staggeringly wonderful health report. The governor of California, Mr. Arnold "Hasta La Vista, Baby" Schwarzenegger, has recently stated that he believes it is time to debate the possible merits in legalizing marijuana in the United States. To quote the Governator himself, "Well, I think it's not time for (legalization), but I think it's time for a debate."

But here's the catch, something that maybe the governor may not realize. Debates, much like marijuana, are often thought of as the "gateway drug" to progress... and in this case, the legalization and taxation of marijuana for recreational use. So what a fine idea debate would be!

Marijuana is already legal in California for medicinal purposes, but by taxing the recreational use of marijuana we all know that would spike the economy like a bad kool-air prom punch requires this time of year.

It would also most likely lower the arrests made each year for possession of such a small organic plant that is only trying to make someone's night a little easier and keeps canned icing, pizza bagels, and cookie dough in a tub flying off the shelves.

A little weed never hurt anyone right?

Right.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've just purchased a new bag of lime tortilla chips and salsa and have to, well...I have some business to attend to.

TaTa!

Exit, stage left

Good evening! Nelson Ramsbottom here with this week's world view. I've been quite busy recently writing my memoirs of my time at Eton, inspired after I'd seen Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban last week. Of course we didn't have magic wands, but the professors certainly did. But that's a story for another post. Perhaps. Anyway, where was I?.... Ah yes.

Now I know it's easy to forget about what's happening in the middle east with everything that's occupying our little minds at the moment; everything from economic flu to swine downturn and whatnot. But I was greatly relieved to hear that, after more than 6 years of activity, Britain has finally ended it's military mission in Iraq. The whole shannanigans began as a result of two idiots getting together and having a really jolly good idea. Well, actually one idiot bullied the other spineless 'colleague' into joining him, whatever the cost. Said spineless colleague lied to the people who had put him in charge of their country, spent an awful lot of money (that probably came from a sub-prime mortgage), and generally behaved like an idiot. The bully was just, well, stupid. Thankfully those buffoons are well out of the way now (although I have to say the replacement in Blighty isn't much better), but the damage has been done. I have nothing but admiration for the bravery and dedication of the troops who passed through Iraq, and sympathy for the families of those who lost their lives for a lumpen turdbucket in Downing Street, and a strawhead in Washington. Welcome home boys!

Until next week, tatty-bye!

Why many one when you can help one?

Someone once said "You can't do all the good in the world, but the world needs all the good you can do." I think they were speaking specifically to Madonna. This 50-year-old pop diva, who for some reason now speaks with a British accent, has decided that all the good she can do is fight for adopting trendy African children. In fact, despite having legal troubles with the country of Malawi and the supposed father of the little girl she hopes to adopt, Madonna is charging in with her eerily toned arms a-flailing to take her little Malawian girl home. Well, I think it's lovely that this multi-millionaire has decided that once the red tape goes up she will continue to fight to adopt this specific little girl who already has a parent looking after her instead of, I don't know, looking for a parent-less child from anywhere else in the world (why would you want a baby that wasn't African though?). Eye of the Child, a child services organization out of Malawi, has suggested that perhaps Madonna should stop looking for toddler arm candy and use some of her money to help multiple children currently living in Malawi by donating to child aid organizations or setting up a school. Madonna though, has determined that she indeed can't do all the good in the world, but that the world does need all the good she can do, and that good which she can do is clearly limited.

disappointed,
Geraldine Hairpiece

Ricky "The Cougar" Crenshaw's Sunday Night Sports Blog will not occur this evening due to his recent admission to an area hospital due to the anal tetanus caused by the tarnished forks he shoved into his ass at last weeks NFL Draft.

Ricky "The Cougar" Crenshaw's Sunday Night Sports Blod will return next week.

Hey Everybody - It's Episode 4!!!!

Featuring a rapping priest, new sports presenter Ricky The Cougar 'Rarrr' Crenshaw, Nelson Ramsbottom's Worldview, advice from Geraldine, and Madame Enzo's predictions, it's jam packed full of spring fun!!

Meridian 13 News is written by:
Becca Anderson
Julian Blackmore
Dimitri Landrain
Emily Peters
James Yates

This month features guest writer/performer J. Sebastian Fabal. Thanks Sebastian!!

Meridian 13 News Episode 4 [5.2.09].mp3

Hey guys...Jimmy here. I just had an amazing dream, and when I woke up, my friends told me it was true...I had seen it on the news while I was boozin it up late night. This kid with Assburgers...huhuhuhuh...sorry. Not something I would order from the dollar menu...anyway...this kid is 13 and stole his dad's credit card and booked two flights from the east coast to san jose and got on the flights with NO identification. Rad! I wish I could do that when they take my i.d. away at the courthouse. This kid flew without his parents knowing it just because he loves the idea of flying. What a badass. Check into it.
-Jimmy

Small men's come back!

Hajnal Ban, an Australian politician who was 5 feet grew to 5 feet 3 after having bone stretching surgery in Russia.  Doctors broke in several places then inserted wire rings to lengthen the legs.  Hajnal Ban declares: "God made me small, Surgery made me tall".  Rumors even say that medicine could be stretching plenty of other parts of a man's body...Imagine... This could drastically change the life of a lot of men, such as my dear co-reporter Nelson Ramsbottom.        Oh la la ! All will rise soon, tall and proud.

Hope is here for those who don't want to be small anymore.

Nelson...you are going to be OK.

Votre ami, Jacques Cuillère.