Letter Writing

Dear Geraldine,

I'm suddenly unemployed and I'm about to have a whole lot of free time. Could you suggest some ways to use some of that time?

Serving day 1 of the next 150 years,

Bernie Madoff

Dear Bernie,

Letter writing has always been a favorite activity of mine, and I used to encourage all the girls who went through Geraldine Hairpiece's School for Young Ladies in Need of Some Serious Coaching to write letters regularly as a way to express gratitude, answer invitations, or just keep in touch with friends and family.

Apology letters are also important, and according to federal investigators who have researched your investers, it looks like you have at least 1,341 apology letters to write. While I doubt that will take you a full 150 years, it should take up at least a couple of months.

After you finish off your letters, perhaps you should learn a foreign language. Italian is rather sexy, don't you think?

Serving drinks,

Geraldine Hairpiece