Idiocy Still Alive in Europe

Good evening, Nelson Ramsbottom here. I have to say, I'm shocked. Shocked and flabbergasted. Shocked, flabbergasted and outraged. Shocked, flabb.... Well, anyway, I'm sure you understand what I mean. The reason for my outrage is the complete idiocy of a woman on Sunday who decided it would be a jolly nice idea to jump over and generally negotiate the strategically placed fences and obstacles that seperate polar bears from public at Berlin Zoo. Why? Heaven only knows what goes on in that tiny little head of hers.... Suffice to say the 32 year-old had a narrow escape from the bears, suffering bites and scratches, rather than the, oh, I don't know, maybe messy and painful death that one would generally associate with being in close proximity to such beasts.

Rescuers pushed the bears away from the imbecillic lard-arse with sticks, while lowering a rope for her to be drawn out by. But she was a fatty, so the rope broke, and the bears went in for another bite. I don't know how she got out in the end. I don't care. She's alive, and probably eating too much again. She can be an idiot another day. Good for her.

Now where did I put my crumpets?....