That's Showbiz, kids

Dear Geraldine,

I recently bought a doll that was being marketed by Showbiz Promotions in Florida. Showbiz's owner Jaime Salcedo stated that a portion of all the proceeds from his sale of these "Caylee Sunshine" dolls would be given to charity, but I just read that Salcedo is being sued. Apparently he's been pocketing all the money and not giving any to charity. I feel like my attempt at a good deed has been smashed. Do you have any advice?

Sincerely,

Just Trying to Help in Florida

Dear "Just Trying..."

I have three pieces of advice for you. First of all, when you want to donate to a charity, how about you just give the full amount to an actual honest-to-goodness charity instead of wanting some hideous doll in return? Ever think of that? Just doing a good deed without seeking reward? My second piece of advice, you whiney loaf, is to attend the reading of this Mr. Salcedo's verdict so you can laugh really loudly and point at him when he's sentenced to years of anal rape in Florida's fine prison system for being such a soulless git. My final piece of advice is to go take advantage of the fact you live in the Sunshine State and have a Mai-tai and a joint on the beach. Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Geraldine Hairpiece