The End of the World?

Good Afternoon Everybody, Madame Enzo here with this week's horoscope report. We're in late May here people, so I'm talking to you Geminis, that's right, the twins! Really, I just think all Geminis tend to suffer from multiple personality disorders. But that's neither here nor there and my Iced Strawberry poptart is getting cold.

Here's the deal. Geminis, I got some bad news for you folks. Does the year 2012 mean anything to you? Because it damn well should, and if it didn't before, it will now, thanks to me. Basically, you got about 3 and half years left to live. Back in the olden days, and no, not just when I was getting ready for my junior prom, the Mayans predicted that the world would end on December 21, 2012. Of course, they didn't really have anything to worry about, being so far away from doomsday themselves, so they just threw that little prediction out into the universe and went on their merry way carving terraces into the sides of mountains and sacrificing and eating humans and their hearts.

But here's where it gets sticky. Because, I, yours truly, Madame Enzo, can see into the future, this we all know, and while the whole world may not be ending on December 21, 2012, all Geminis will cease to exist at that time. If you are worried about how to prepare for this day, there are a number of books published about this devastating holiday coming up, available at your local bookstore. Or, I am always available for a consultation (small fee included+foot massage) to help you see into the next three years of your life and what you should be focusing on as you gear up for the big day.

In the meantime Geminis, put down that piece of pizza and lemonade, so you can enjoy what's left of your pathetic existence. It's bathing suit season coming up! And the last thing you want is to land yourself in Weight Watchers for the entire summer. Think starving housewifes, food journals, and getting tested.