Poor Little Devils

Dear Geraldine,

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm so heartbroken over the fact that the Tasmanian devil has been put on the Australian endangered species list. Apparently they have developed one of the world's three contagious forms of cancer. It causes tumors on their cute little faces and it's spread through biting. Australian officials have set aside $7.8 million for research purposes, but what if this isn't enough? What can I do to help the Tasmanian devil??

Concerned,

Animal Lover in Australia

Dear Animal Lover,

What the fuck are you talking about?

Concerned,

Geraldine Hairpiece