M.V.P.

Ricky “The Cougar” Crenshaw here and boy my barn WAS burning before my tears washed away the fire. Unfortunately, LeBron James won the MVP award this past week. We all know I detest two things most in this world: denying after supplying and someone else’s kids loving their father more than my Ricky Jr. loves me. Yes, James won the Most Valuable Parent award this past week. This MVP award is presented each year to an athlete who’s as strong a presence as a parental figure as they do prowess in their respective game. The American Society of Supporting Healthy Adult Training (ASSHAT) felt that James was leading a life that all adults around the United States should aim at mimicking: make millions and hire a nanny to take care of your bastard children that you had out of wedlock with your high school girlfriend that you still haven’t married yet because you’re addicted to all the fucking pussy you get because you’re Lebron fucking James. Hmmm. Well, maybe ASSHAT got it right…

James accepted the award in the backseat of his 2000 Chevy Impala – the site of the copulation of his first child.