Kate minus Jon +8

Good Evening, Cynthia Meridian here with an update on everyone's favorite train wreck of a celebrity marriage: Jon and Kate Gosselin.

TLC (The Learning Channel...by which they mean, learning how to be a vicious Bride-Zilla (Say 'Yes' to the Dress), learning how to love a charming Italian baker from Hoboken (Cake Boss), and learning how to dress like you aren't homeless (What Not to Wear) ) has announced that the formerly titled "Jon and Kate Plus 8" will be called "Kate plus 8" as of November 2nd. The change is meant to signal Jon's lessening appearance on the show.

Apparently, Jon Gosselin is too busy parading around with his girlfriend in the Hamptons and staying up late partying in Manhattan to come home to Boonies, PA to spend time with his 8 adorable children? And he thinks he can make as much money being the butt of tabloid jokes as he could putzing around his ENORMOUS Central Pennsylvania home? Yeah, right, buddy.

The title of The New York Times article announcing this change went as follows:

"TLC Retools Reality Show, Putting New Focus on 'Kate Plus 8".

Yes, Jon. You are a tool.

Pills n Chills

I say!  Back in my school days if we felt a little funky we'd go for a run, but according to a new article in a popular free morning paper published in a busy metropolis, people are turning to medication far too easily as a solution to their mental woes. 

Yes, it seems the human race is after quick fixes for depression, relying on prescription medication readily handed out by doctors. Some leading experts claim that alternative forms of treatment would be a more effective way of dealing with the problem.  Let's see, has anybody tried getting off their backsides and actually doing something to alleviate their sorrows?

We live in an age where everything needs to happen yesterday, but if we continue to apply that principle when it comes to our own wellbeing, where on earth will we end up?

Anyway, must dash.  The district nurse is here to administer her own special treatment....

Toodlepip!

Nelson Ramsbottom

Tired of the Whining

A CNN survey was released that said 72% of Americans are "Mad as hell and are not gonna take it anymore", quoting Howard Beal from the film, "Network". The study says that most Americans are pretty pissed about the way the country is being run and how the economy is bad and blah blah blah blah blah BLAH. People from a country that never has a homefront war, never has an epidemic, never has a serious famine...yes, things are rough because the economy blah blah blah. But do the American people have to bitch all the time? These people do not shut up about their problems. Just keep working. Things will get better. And these surveys are such a waste of time, too. The survey also says that Americans plan to do something about their anger. Yeah. "Do something". That sounds like a very well thought out plan. Stupid survey. I'm very upset about this.
-Texas Pete

Saving Ressources

In order to save energy, Governor Arnold Schwarzengger is monitoring how long his children stay under the shower. If they take more than 5 minutes, he just turns off the hot water, and the lovely childrens' shower is quickly resumed. Wasters of energy are going to be quickly terminated. I wonder though: when daddy Schwarzzy is not home, are the children taking 30 minutes Spa shower as a revenge?

Votre ami, Jacques Cuillère...

Middle East in Midtown

Hey guys!

Tiffany Feelings here with a weather report for Manhattan (that's NYC, k?) Looks like it's raining assholes.

SO.... not only is my EX (I don't wanna talk about it) boyfriend now living in sin with some slut (I said I don't wanna talk about it) in Hell's Kitchen, but on top of that, some douchebags from Libya and Iran visited the UN this week. Col Moammar Gadhafi of Libya (douchebag who was all, "Hey, Lockerbie bomber, here's a heroes welcome home!") and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (so-called President of Iran who was all "Holocaust? WTF? That's not real.") went to New York to talk about how great they both are for like an hour and a half straight. Gah, well, this island girl is very happy to not be living in New York in that amazing studio that she and her EX (Goddamn it! I DO NOT want to talk about it!) boyfriend picked out on craigslist and saved up to make the deposit on. FUCK.

So yeah. Rain. Rain rain rain. And cold. COLD-HEARTED!!!!!!

Snail's Pace

Good evening, and welcome back to season 2 of Meridian 13 News! I say, these world leaders are doing a rather shoddy job of slowing down climate change. At the UN Climate summit they've had a jolly good telling off by unsually upfront UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, warning that glaciers are melting faster than human progress to protect them, and they really do need to get their collective skates on.

It's quite ironic that the speed at which they are moving on this issue is equivalent to that of a glacier in happier, more frosty times.

Until next week this is Nelson Ramsbottom wishing you a tick-tocking week.

Good night!

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